They said it would happen.
They said this day would come.
But they told me this when I was still pregnant. And they told me when she was first born. And like all other new Moms who leave their full time careers to stay home I guess I thought it might happen at some point?! But when you look at your baby’s sweet week-old face you can’t but help to think to yourself, “How can I ever get tired of staying home with this angel?”.
We’ve been pretty smooth sailing over here as far as the baby goes. There’s been ups and downs and some struggles here and there but I really can’t complain! She’s almost 6 months to the day and I know people say this all of the time but I really can’t believe it’s going by so fast.
I left my full time job in a field that I absolutely loved to stay at home with her. It was definitely the right decision and one that I am so happy we made. Every day except today. Today kicked my ass.
I made it almost 6 months to the day before I said the words all those people said I would say…and I said them to my husband on the phone over a crying child. Way to stay calm, I know I know…
It went something like this. Not really sentences, but some kind of cohesive thoughts crammed together in a statement:
“I think maybe I should go back to work. Maybe this was a bad idea! Maybe I can make it a year and then go back?! I’m not good at this! Not today anyway. No, you don’t need to come home. I’m fine. It’s fine. I have to pee I can’t hold it anymore I’ll call you back”
Writing this now I know I didn’t mean it. I know how much I actually really enjoy staying home with her.
But after her nap got cut short caused by me stubbing my toe on the dishwasher (yea, this really was all my fault!) followed by HOURS of fussiness, not allowing me out of her sight without crying (new thing!), bottle(s), trying some puréed bananas (fail!), crying if I sat down with her but not if I stood up & was in motion, 27 episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, not getting anything done, walking outside a few times, failed swing attempts x 2, realizing I hadn’t thawed anything out for dinner (still haven’t!), wanting so so badly to sit down and get some work done & packages put together and having to pee so bad for what felt like days, I hit the wall and called my husband and said the words.
You know, if she would have just told me she wanted to sit on my lap in the garage and sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” 18 times I would have tried that first instead of last. 😜⚾️️
So now here I sit, in the garage in a fold up chair with an adorable sleeping baby on me, wishing I had brought my water out here. Or my Stress Away. I still haven’t gotten anything done and I still haven’t put packages together or done anything I needed and wanted to get done by this point in the day (besides pee! Oh thank goodness!). I’m also feeling the Mom guilt from the things I said an hour ago when I called my husband, because I know I wouldn’t give this up. Not yet. Maybe one day. Maybe after the first steps and the first “Mama” and “Dada”. But not now.
And as far as dinner goes, MY amazing Momma always said to keep a frozen pizza, hotdogs, PB&J and/or grilled cheese and cans of soup always on hand for days like today. Always listen to your Momma because we are covered and I am relieved!
My point is, new Mamas of the world out there, if you have a day like this, it’s ok! I’m telling myself it happens all of the time to other people so you should tell yourself that too 😀.