When you and your bestie both end up with your babies on a hot Saturday (in October!!!!) at the Farmers Market to work your booth….what do you do?
You Mom. You Mom hard!
LOTS of coffee and LOTS of oiling happened today! But it was well worth it!
Some days they sleep when they should, you do yoga AND run AND introduce yourself to a couple hundred strangers (so nice to meet you by the way!) and get 1000 things done for work and around the house…
Aaaaaand other days they forget what naps are and you wind up driving aimlessly around town wearing sunglasses that look ridiculous on you that your husband got for free from a gas station prize wheel because they were the only ones you could find as you staggered out the door in your leggings with a screaming little …and you wind up in the parking lot at the park across the street wondering if the other cars parked in the shaded spaces are occupied with other Moms who are happy to sit there as long as their kids are asleep too…
And if they’re drinking a PSL like you…
And if they have Lavender shooting out their air vent via a cotton ball (best thing ever btw!)…
And if all of a sudden a certain smell overtakes the Lavender and you realize they went #2 while sleeping in the car…
This is the point in these kind of days when you either laugh or cry. There’s been quite a few days that I cried.
But today I laughed. Because she’s still just the cutest damn thing. And because this particular blowout took place in the onesie that says “Enjoy the little things” on the front of it. Go figure 💁🏼.
And the crazy part? Us Mommas wouldn’t give up “these days” for anything in the world 💛, amiright?!
When I was a kid baseball was an ongoing theme in our home. My brother and I played ball year round and watched the Orioles on TV any night it was on. Whenever we were outside throwing the ball or driving home from a practice or game my Dad would say stuff like, “The secret to this game is that its really more a mental game than a physical one”, “Just keep your eye on the ball” and his favorite, “Pay attention to baseball because everything you need to know about life can be traced back to this game”.
When you’re like eight years old that doesn’t mean much. The only correlation you make between baseball and life is when your Mom says “That’s strike TWO!!!” as she’s yelling at you. Right?
But when you’re a week shy of your 31st birthday and you find yourself sitting in a parking lot on opening night of your oldest kid’s baseball season feeding your crying six-month-old and you are cussing at yourself because you knew this probably wasn’t the best idea, “There’s no crying in baseball” kind of takes on a new meaning.
Opening night had a later game than normal and I had a “Mom feeling” that it maybe wasn’t the greatest idea to venture out, but when your stepson tells you on his own that he understands if you can’t stay, he just wants to see you there….I mean, come on. You give it a shot.
The plan was to go, stay for a little bit and head home. The plan was that she would probably sleep for most of it and we wouldn’t be out too late. The plan was to feed her and give her a bath like normal and get her into some comfy pajamas before leaving the house.
Yea, my plan sucked.
I should have left as soon as I saw the parking situation. If I could have just parked I don’t think it would have been as bad but of course not only was it opening night for our league but also for the football team that plays at the field adjacent to our fields. No parking spots. Anywhere. I ended up parking far away. That’s the only way to explain where I was. Far. BFE. Remote. I now had a crying baby, a game starting in 5 minutes and my husband calling asking where I was. So I did what any Mom does at this point, I started feeding the dragon. As I was feeding her in the random parking lot, the guilt started up. “Why did I do this, I knew it was too late and now I’m in some deserted parking lot with my kid who should be in her bed right now”, “The oldest will be disappointed”, “Should I stay or just cut my losses and get her home?”, “I don’t want her to lose it again during the game but I don’t want to miss it all either, we’re already here”, “But God I’m really tired”….etc etc.
Somewhere in this I started feeling tears well up because I realized how tired I actually was and how mad at myself I was for just not listening to that “Mom feeling”. I snapped out of it momentarily because my mother-in-law called. She was at the field too and coming to find me because my husband sent her. Well crap.
I know some of you probably have horror stories about your mother-in-law and I honestly feel for you because I am one of the lucky ones in that department. My mother-in-law is pretty amazing.
I’m sure I looked a heck of a hot mess feeding my kid in the front seat of our vehicle in this almost abandoned parking lot. It kind of makes me laugh now writing this and it almost made me laugh in the moment it was happening but I was more concerned at the time making it look like this was a normal occurrence on a Friday night for us. Luckily, she knows better and luckily I knew she knew better so I cut the crap and just let it out for a moment. I got through a sentence about just being really tired and another one about not wanting to disappoint any of the kids or my husband before she took the little one and just kind of let me have a moment while saying all kinds of things that you just need someone to say when you feel like a total idiot.
It actually all ended just fine. The baby calmed down long enough for us to drive over to the fields because by this time people were starting to leave from some of the earlier games that had ended. I watched two innings, the baby enjoyed herself, my stepson saw that we were there and he was happy about it and everything was good. I fell asleep before the boys even got home and the baby slept through the night.
The next morning over my coffee I got to thinking about what my Dad used to tell me about baseball being a lot like life. It’s absolutely true……
Take your team for example. Your people. You need your team to lean on. You need them to back you up when you miss a ball, strike out, to take the baby while you cry, whatever. You need to know they’re there if you mess up or have a bad game. They’re there to celebrate the wins with you but more importantly, they’re still there when you lose. Your team is everything.
Sometimes you have a game plan and it just goes haywire. When that happens you don’t just give up and walk off in the middle of the game. You readjust and you keep playing. You finish what you start even if its messy and you’re getting your ass kicked. You finish.
You’re going to strike out more times than you think. Your timing is going to be off, you’re going to take your eye off of the ball at some point and you’re going to miss. So is everyone else at some point. You’re not the only one.
And if things don’t necessarily go the way you want them too, there’s always, always another game coming up.
Our next one is on Wednesday.
They said it would happen.
They said this day would come.
But they told me this when I was still pregnant. And they told me when she was first born. And like all other new Moms who leave their full time careers to stay home I guess I thought it might happen at some point?! But when you look at your baby’s sweet week-old face you can’t but help to think to yourself, “How can I ever get tired of staying home with this angel?”.
We’ve been pretty smooth sailing over here as far as the baby goes. There’s been ups and downs and some struggles here and there but I really can’t complain! She’s almost 6 months to the day and I know people say this all of the time but I really can’t believe it’s going by so fast.
I left my full time job in a field that I absolutely loved to stay at home with her. It was definitely the right decision and one that I am so happy we made. Every day except today. Today kicked my ass.
I made it almost 6 months to the day before I said the words all those people said I would say…and I said them to my husband on the phone over a crying child. Way to stay calm, I know I know…
It went something like this. Not really sentences, but some kind of cohesive thoughts crammed together in a statement:
“I think maybe I should go back to work. Maybe this was a bad idea! Maybe I can make it a year and then go back?! I’m not good at this! Not today anyway. No, you don’t need to come home. I’m fine. It’s fine. I have to pee I can’t hold it anymore I’ll call you back”
Writing this now I know I didn’t mean it. I know how much I actually really enjoy staying home with her.
But after her nap got cut short caused by me stubbing my toe on the dishwasher (yea, this really was all my fault!) followed by HOURS of fussiness, not allowing me out of her sight without crying (new thing!), bottle(s), trying some puréed bananas (fail!), crying if I sat down with her but not if I stood up & was in motion, 27 episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, not getting anything done, walking outside a few times, failed swing attempts x 2, realizing I hadn’t thawed anything out for dinner (still haven’t!), wanting so so badly to sit down and get some work done & packages put together and having to pee so bad for what felt like days, I hit the wall and called my husband and said the words.
You know, if she would have just told me she wanted to sit on my lap in the garage and sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” 18 times I would have tried that first instead of last. 😜⚾️️
So now here I sit, in the garage in a fold up chair with an adorable sleeping baby on me, wishing I had brought my water out here. Or my Stress Away. I still haven’t gotten anything done and I still haven’t put packages together or done anything I needed and wanted to get done by this point in the day (besides pee! Oh thank goodness!). I’m also feeling the Mom guilt from the things I said an hour ago when I called my husband, because I know I wouldn’t give this up. Not yet. Maybe one day. Maybe after the first steps and the first “Mama” and “Dada”. But not now.
And as far as dinner goes, MY amazing Momma always said to keep a frozen pizza, hotdogs, PB&J and/or grilled cheese and cans of soup always on hand for days like today. Always listen to your Momma because we are covered and I am relieved!
My point is, new Mamas of the world out there, if you have a day like this, it’s ok! I’m telling myself it happens all of the time to other people so you should tell yourself that too 😀.
If your week and/or weekend can be summed up by this photo, please know you’re not the only one!
Know you’re not the only one who answers the most random questions all day long……..
“What would you do if the neighbors across the street moved in and were really zombies?”
“How did the different seasons come about and who came up with their names?”
“Why doesn’t Duke have balls?”
Know you’re not the only one who warms up her coffee and then forgets that its in the microwave……..
The only one who struggles between cleaning, working or napping when you actually have a few minutes to yourself……..
Or the only one who hasn’t left the house in a couple of weeks (partly because of a messed up car and a hurricane) and got excited about going to baseball practice because you knew it was during baby’s nap time, the other kids would be busy playing baseball and you could sip a Starbucks coffee & scroll through Facebook uninterrupted……..
Know that there’s other parents out there who have a secret candy/chocolate/wine stash that they hide and don’t share with other people……..
Please please know that you’re not the only person who has ever fallen over while doing yoga in your living room, or felt uncomfortable months after giving birth because you’re not back to “normal” yet……..
There are most definitely other parents who throw away stupid toys and trinkets their kids save for God knows why when you finally get fed up with the state of their room and clean it yourself……..
Oh and guess what? You’re a good parent even if you cringe when you hear the children wake up in the morning before you’ve finished your coffee……..
You’re not the only one who gets frustrated, cries, loses your temper & then feels bad about it, takes longer than normal showers while your husband is watching the kids, questions yourself daily, laughs at totally inappropriate times, forgets to walk the dog in the midst of the daily tasks, are too tired to do anything fun or interesting on a Friday night even when you have the chance, don’t put on makeup for days, absolutely hate when you hear the ice cream truck driving in your neighborhood, feed your kids ramen noodles for lunch…
And cuss when your almost six month old pulls your hair and laughs about it……..
You’re not the only one. And yes yes yes, you’re a good parent, you’re normal and what you do is enough.
Just coffee, oil up and repeat until everyone falls asleep and you can dive into your secret stash!
Have a great rest of your weekend and week ahead! You’ve got this!