When you and your bestie both end up with your babies on a hot Saturday (in October!!!!) at the Farmers Market to work your booth….what do you do?
You Mom. You Mom hard!
LOTS of coffee and LOTS of oiling happened today! But it was well worth it!
Some days they sleep when they should, you do yoga AND run AND introduce yourself to a couple hundred strangers (so nice to meet you by the way!) and get 1000 things done for work and around the house…
Aaaaaand other days they forget what naps are and you wind up driving aimlessly around town wearing sunglasses that look ridiculous on you that your husband got for free from a gas station prize wheel because they were the only ones you could find as you staggered out the door in your leggings with a screaming little …and you wind up in the parking lot at the park across the street wondering if the other cars parked in the shaded spaces are occupied with other Moms who are happy to sit there as long as their kids are asleep too…
And if they’re drinking a PSL like you…
And if they have Lavender shooting out their air vent via a cotton ball (best thing ever btw!)…
And if all of a sudden a certain smell overtakes the Lavender and you realize they went #2 while sleeping in the car…
This is the point in these kind of days when you either laugh or cry. There’s been quite a few days that I cried.
But today I laughed. Because she’s still just the cutest damn thing. And because this particular blowout took place in the onesie that says “Enjoy the little things” on the front of it. Go figure 💁🏼.
And the crazy part? Us Mommas wouldn’t give up “these days” for anything in the world 💛, amiright?!
When I was a kid baseball was an ongoing theme in our home. My brother and I played ball year round and watched the Orioles on TV any night it was on. Whenever we were outside throwing the ball or driving home from a practice or game my Dad would say stuff like, “The secret to this game is that its really more a mental game than a physical one”, “Just keep your eye on the ball” and his favorite, “Pay attention to baseball because everything you need to know about life can be traced back to this game”.
When you’re like eight years old that doesn’t mean much. The only correlation you make between baseball and life is when your Mom says “That’s strike TWO!!!” as she’s yelling at you. Right?
But when you’re a week shy of your 31st birthday and you find yourself sitting in a parking lot on opening night of your oldest kid’s baseball season feeding your crying six-month-old and you are cussing at yourself because you knew this probably wasn’t the best idea, “There’s no crying in baseball” kind of takes on a new meaning.
Opening night had a later game than normal and I had a “Mom feeling” that it maybe wasn’t the greatest idea to venture out, but when your stepson tells you on his own that he understands if you can’t stay, he just wants to see you there….I mean, come on. You give it a shot.
The plan was to go, stay for a little bit and head home. The plan was that she would probably sleep for most of it and we wouldn’t be out too late. The plan was to feed her and give her a bath like normal and get her into some comfy pajamas before leaving the house.
Yea, my plan sucked.
I should have left as soon as I saw the parking situation. If I could have just parked I don’t think it would have been as bad but of course not only was it opening night for our league but also for the football team that plays at the field adjacent to our fields. No parking spots. Anywhere. I ended up parking far away. That’s the only way to explain where I was. Far. BFE. Remote. I now had a crying baby, a game starting in 5 minutes and my husband calling asking where I was. So I did what any Mom does at this point, I started feeding the dragon. As I was feeding her in the random parking lot, the guilt started up. “Why did I do this, I knew it was too late and now I’m in some deserted parking lot with my kid who should be in her bed right now”, “The oldest will be disappointed”, “Should I stay or just cut my losses and get her home?”, “I don’t want her to lose it again during the game but I don’t want to miss it all either, we’re already here”, “But God I’m really tired”….etc etc.
Somewhere in this I started feeling tears well up because I realized how tired I actually was and how mad at myself I was for just not listening to that “Mom feeling”. I snapped out of it momentarily because my mother-in-law called. She was at the field too and coming to find me because my husband sent her. Well crap.
I know some of you probably have horror stories about your mother-in-law and I honestly feel for you because I am one of the lucky ones in that department. My mother-in-law is pretty amazing.
I’m sure I looked a heck of a hot mess feeding my kid in the front seat of our vehicle in this almost abandoned parking lot. It kind of makes me laugh now writing this and it almost made me laugh in the moment it was happening but I was more concerned at the time making it look like this was a normal occurrence on a Friday night for us. Luckily, she knows better and luckily I knew she knew better so I cut the crap and just let it out for a moment. I got through a sentence about just being really tired and another one about not wanting to disappoint any of the kids or my husband before she took the little one and just kind of let me have a moment while saying all kinds of things that you just need someone to say when you feel like a total idiot.
It actually all ended just fine. The baby calmed down long enough for us to drive over to the fields because by this time people were starting to leave from some of the earlier games that had ended. I watched two innings, the baby enjoyed herself, my stepson saw that we were there and he was happy about it and everything was good. I fell asleep before the boys even got home and the baby slept through the night.
The next morning over my coffee I got to thinking about what my Dad used to tell me about baseball being a lot like life. It’s absolutely true……
Take your team for example. Your people. You need your team to lean on. You need them to back you up when you miss a ball, strike out, to take the baby while you cry, whatever. You need to know they’re there if you mess up or have a bad game. They’re there to celebrate the wins with you but more importantly, they’re still there when you lose. Your team is everything.
Sometimes you have a game plan and it just goes haywire. When that happens you don’t just give up and walk off in the middle of the game. You readjust and you keep playing. You finish what you start even if its messy and you’re getting your ass kicked. You finish.
You’re going to strike out more times than you think. Your timing is going to be off, you’re going to take your eye off of the ball at some point and you’re going to miss. So is everyone else at some point. You’re not the only one.
And if things don’t necessarily go the way you want them too, there’s always, always another game coming up.
Our next one is on Wednesday.
They said it would happen.
They said this day would come.
But they told me this when I was still pregnant. And they told me when she was first born. And like all other new Moms who leave their full time careers to stay home I guess I thought it might happen at some point?! But when you look at your baby’s sweet week-old face you can’t but help to think to yourself, “How can I ever get tired of staying home with this angel?”.
We’ve been pretty smooth sailing over here as far as the baby goes. There’s been ups and downs and some struggles here and there but I really can’t complain! She’s almost 6 months to the day and I know people say this all of the time but I really can’t believe it’s going by so fast.
I left my full time job in a field that I absolutely loved to stay at home with her. It was definitely the right decision and one that I am so happy we made. Every day except today. Today kicked my ass.
I made it almost 6 months to the day before I said the words all those people said I would say…and I said them to my husband on the phone over a crying child. Way to stay calm, I know I know…
It went something like this. Not really sentences, but some kind of cohesive thoughts crammed together in a statement:
“I think maybe I should go back to work. Maybe this was a bad idea! Maybe I can make it a year and then go back?! I’m not good at this! Not today anyway. No, you don’t need to come home. I’m fine. It’s fine. I have to pee I can’t hold it anymore I’ll call you back”
Writing this now I know I didn’t mean it. I know how much I actually really enjoy staying home with her.
But after her nap got cut short caused by me stubbing my toe on the dishwasher (yea, this really was all my fault!) followed by HOURS of fussiness, not allowing me out of her sight without crying (new thing!), bottle(s), trying some puréed bananas (fail!), crying if I sat down with her but not if I stood up & was in motion, 27 episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, not getting anything done, walking outside a few times, failed swing attempts x 2, realizing I hadn’t thawed anything out for dinner (still haven’t!), wanting so so badly to sit down and get some work done & packages put together and having to pee so bad for what felt like days, I hit the wall and called my husband and said the words.
You know, if she would have just told me she wanted to sit on my lap in the garage and sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” 18 times I would have tried that first instead of last. 😜⚾️️
So now here I sit, in the garage in a fold up chair with an adorable sleeping baby on me, wishing I had brought my water out here. Or my Stress Away. I still haven’t gotten anything done and I still haven’t put packages together or done anything I needed and wanted to get done by this point in the day (besides pee! Oh thank goodness!). I’m also feeling the Mom guilt from the things I said an hour ago when I called my husband, because I know I wouldn’t give this up. Not yet. Maybe one day. Maybe after the first steps and the first “Mama” and “Dada”. But not now.
And as far as dinner goes, MY amazing Momma always said to keep a frozen pizza, hotdogs, PB&J and/or grilled cheese and cans of soup always on hand for days like today. Always listen to your Momma because we are covered and I am relieved!
My point is, new Mamas of the world out there, if you have a day like this, it’s ok! I’m telling myself it happens all of the time to other people so you should tell yourself that too 😀.
If your week and/or weekend can be summed up by this photo, please know you’re not the only one!
Know you’re not the only one who answers the most random questions all day long……..
“What would you do if the neighbors across the street moved in and were really zombies?”
“How did the different seasons come about and who came up with their names?”
“Why doesn’t Duke have balls?”
Know you’re not the only one who warms up her coffee and then forgets that its in the microwave……..
The only one who struggles between cleaning, working or napping when you actually have a few minutes to yourself……..
Or the only one who hasn’t left the house in a couple of weeks (partly because of a messed up car and a hurricane) and got excited about going to baseball practice because you knew it was during baby’s nap time, the other kids would be busy playing baseball and you could sip a Starbucks coffee & scroll through Facebook uninterrupted……..
Know that there’s other parents out there who have a secret candy/chocolate/wine stash that they hide and don’t share with other people……..
Please please know that you’re not the only person who has ever fallen over while doing yoga in your living room, or felt uncomfortable months after giving birth because you’re not back to “normal” yet……..
There are most definitely other parents who throw away stupid toys and trinkets their kids save for God knows why when you finally get fed up with the state of their room and clean it yourself……..
Oh and guess what? You’re a good parent even if you cringe when you hear the children wake up in the morning before you’ve finished your coffee……..
You’re not the only one who gets frustrated, cries, loses your temper & then feels bad about it, takes longer than normal showers while your husband is watching the kids, questions yourself daily, laughs at totally inappropriate times, forgets to walk the dog in the midst of the daily tasks, are too tired to do anything fun or interesting on a Friday night even when you have the chance, don’t put on makeup for days, absolutely hate when you hear the ice cream truck driving in your neighborhood, feed your kids ramen noodles for lunch…
And cuss when your almost six month old pulls your hair and laughs about it……..
You’re not the only one. And yes yes yes, you’re a good parent, you’re normal and what you do is enough.
Just coffee, oil up and repeat until everyone falls asleep and you can dive into your secret stash!
Have a great rest of your weekend and week ahead! You’ve got this!
We interrupt the regularly scheduled post to talk about Lavender real quick.
Yesterday when I was putting the inside of our house back together from hunkering down from Irma I came across my sideways bottle of lavender in the bathroom. Around 2:00 a.m. the night of the hurricane I was jolted awake by transformers blowing up and those suckers are LOUD! It scared the crap out of me and I knew there was no more sleeping after that. The wind was whipping around like crazy and mine & my husband’s phones were beeping constantly with warnings. The good news in all of this mess was the kids were all zonked out and slept the entire night so I was grateful for that.
Somehow we didn’t lose power but I felt myself getting nervous the more and more I watched the news and the tornado warnings that kept popping up. I was actually feeling myself about to drift off to sleep again when around 3:45 am my phone, my husband’s phone, our TV and the TV in the kid’s room went crazy with a tornado warning and on the news they were tracking a cell of high winds headed right towards our area and the weather guy even called out our neighborhood in the path of this tornado. I think if there was ever a time my heart was going to beat out of my chest it was this moment. My mind was going in a bunch of directions….”wake up the hubs” “Get the kids” “Get the dogs” “Gotta get my mother in law” (she was staying with us), “”Should we get in the hallway or the bathroom” “Grab a blanket” “Oh sh*t I forgot to take the pictures off of the wall”. You know, all of the normal things one thinks about at 3:45 am during a hurricane. I tried waking up my husband and told him and he was like, “Eh, I think its ok. We’re fine” and closes his eyes!! I didn’t know whether to laugh or flick him in the forehead (lovingly!). I didn’t do either because the weatherman said the tornado had dissipated before it got any further in its projected track. I was obviously relieved but wide awake and needed to take a minute to calm down. I went into the bathroom, grabbed the lavender because it was right there, put a drop on my wrists and behind my ears and took a few deep breaths inhaling it right from the bottle. Within a minute I felt myself calming down, my heart rate slowing down back to normal, and I relaxed enough to even go lay back down and ride it out with the news people for the rest of the night. I didn’t sleep but I also didn’t jump when the huge branches from the big tree in our backyard smacked onto the roof above our bedroom. It was a long night but the kids had no idea, we didn’t have any major damage to our home and somehow we never even lost power even though there were a bunch of down power lines in our driveway and front yard. My heart truly goes out to all of those down in the Keys and all across Florida who have extensive damage to their homes and cities.
It kind of made me chuckle a little bit when I saw the sideways lavender because I was thinking that during such a crazy situation, I go and reach for this little bottle of oil. Sounds kind of weird I know but I did it because they make a difference. I use lavender for help with everything (burns, cuts, scrapes, calming, relaxing, in the diffusers, with the baby, with the boys, with the dog, etc) and now I guess I can add “Hurricane” to the list! If you don’t have this in your life yet, you need it!
Yesterday my 7-year-old stepson asked me a question:
“What are those dark things under your eyes?”
Ahh sweet children who tell you like it is.
“That’s how a grownup knows if they need more coffee”
I actually don’t mind the circles. They’re temporary and can be somewhat covered up.
And its an excuse for me to pour a second cup…..right?
Speaking of “stepson”. I’m working on something for all of you about-to-be step-parents out there, because its a world of its own! Stay tuned, it’ll be out this week! 🙂
I was debating for awhile on how to start this whole thing off. I went back and forth and started writing things and ended up deleting all of them because nothing seemed to fit for that first “Here I am and here is my blog” post.
Then last night happened.
First of all, I am 30 years old and have been happily married for almost two years. I have two stepsons, ages 7 and 11, a 5-month-old baby girl and then there’s Duke the family dog. The levels of crazy in our house vary anywhere from “laugh it off” all the way up to “want to gauge your eyes out with a spoon and chug wine straight from the bottle”. It really just depends on the day. I’m sure you can relate.
I heard all of the horror stories about babies while I was pregnant (thanks, world!) so I was pretty terrified when the hospital said “Ok, you can go home. Bye! Good luck!”. I was confident in the fact that my husband had done this twice before so I just kept telling myself he would know what to do. So far, baby girl has been fairly “easy” as I guess some would call it. She slept through the night pretty early on, cries when hungry, over-tired and/or gassy and eats like a champ. For a first time Mom who was scared to death, I am beyond grateful for all of these things.
I’m usually the one who gets up during the night if need be. I’m a light sleeper, a morning person and my husband works long hours so I don’t mind.
For some reason last night I just couldn’t hang.
Maybe it was because it was a string of a few rough nights, perhaps the weather is to blame, maybe I had things on my mind, maybe it’s that time of the month or I was just really overtired. I don’t know for sure but “Positive Polly” that my friends jokingly call me was not in the house last night.
It was just bad. If you’ve had a kid for 10 minutes you know how it can feel being up for the duration of the night. Some nights you feel like a total rock star and then on others you feel like your head is going to explode. Some nights they rock right back to sleep and others they suddenly become night crawlers that just will not go back to sleep no matter what you do. I waited until the point where BOTH baby and myself were about to have the tears flowing before I cracked and got my hubby involved. That sounds too nice, let me rephrase because I can’t make this sound like I went in quietly to gently wake up my husband. I walked into our bedroom at 3:45 am complete with crazy-mom-bun hair and hands on my head and pretty much yelled, “She’s driving me crazy!!!!”. Bless this man, he got up, probably figuring it was bad since that’s not a normal move on my part. He told me to go to sleep but in my crazy state of mind I was too wound up and thought for some reason I should fill him in on EVERY detail of the past 2 hours. I mean, its SUPER important he knows exactly how much she’s eaten and that her diaper is clean and she fell asleep when I rocked her in the chair but not on the couch and that I didn’t have a chance to wash the bottle yet and it’s still sitting on the counter and will smell horrible in the morning if we don’t clean it…….
Yea. I was in total mombie-psycho mode.
It was definitely the worst night I have had probably ever, even when you throw in the time my stepsons threw up all night like clockwork every 30 minutes or the first night we had Duke (definitely a future post). But, like all nights do, it ended, the sun came up and the coffee pot went off at 5:00 a.m. as usual (Thank you sweet Jesus for that!). I found my hubby had gotten himself back to the bed and my little girl was sound asleep on her blanket-covered boppy looking like a little angel.
Here’s the main point for all of this….
Before my husband left for work he asked me if I was ok and immediately the tears started coming and I blurted out a question that I am positive has crossed every mother’s mind at some point…
“Am I a good Mom?”
Now I don’t know many things for sure because I’ve learned in my 30 years so far that absolutely nothing ever goes as planned or turns out like you think it will. But, I can say one thing and one thing only for certain; I married the right man.
“What do you mean ‘Are you a good Mom?’. Of course you’re a good Mom. You’re the best Mom”.
“But”…((sobs))…”I got so frustrated and it’s not her fault she’s just a baby and I can usually handle it and I’m sorry I woke you up I think I’m just getting my period but its been a long few nights, but seriously who gets frustrated when it’s just a little baby….”
“Umm, try every single parent in the world! But the thing is, if you care about whether or not you’re a good parent, then guess what, you are.”
I love him. And the coffee he poured me after that. And the snuggles I got all morning from little.
Ladies. Being a Mom is hard. Being a Stepmom is hard. I hear you, I AM you!
So pour the coffee, stock up on the lavender and let’s do this Mom thing.
It’s basically how I get through life at this point;
coffee. oil. repeat.
And I want to share the crazy with you 🙂